5 weeks ago
Saturday, December 13, 2008
I stumbled across these pictures on the Barker’s blog and decided to swipe them. Thanks John for your diligence with the camera. You consistently capture significant moments. . . Angela called on our way home from work Wednesday night and invited us over for dinner. What a wonderful surprise! It was much needed, though I did not delve into my current wrestling (of which I documented in my previous post), merely observing John and Angela’s graceful interaction with their baby girl, Briley, whispered hope to me. I pray our transition into parenthood will be as smooth as theirs has been. I am so thankful for their willingness to take us under their wing and introduce us to the intricacies of parenthood. We’ve learned so much through conversation and simple observation. . . We love you guys!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The madness of work and academia is gradually subsiding. This is my final week of grad school prior to Jonah’s arrival, and next Friday is my last day of work until January 5th. On one hand, I sigh- greatly relieved, yet on the other I cringe. The impending calm seems indicative of the coming of a new storm. . . one that is unfamiliar and unpredictable. . . Time is ticking, and I'm more aware than ever that in these days I must actively prepare to survive the inevitable rigors and challenges of parenthood, yet I’m not sure where to begin. My mind is spinning with the responsibility of nurturing new life. During the months preceding this one, I’ve sensed an overwhelming empowerment of the Divine and a subsequent confidence, expectancy and joy. Yet, during the past week I’ve been filled with doubt, primarily centered upon my ability and resources. The uncharted waters ahead beckon the deepest parts of me. . . my greatest longings, yet fear rises in response, crashing and thundering my soul. I long for the breath and warmth of this life that grows within me, for the day when, alas, he settles into my arms and nuzzles at my breast, yet an awareness of the technicalities preceding his arrival loom 'round me. I have nothing for him but love (and a few adorable outfits his dad and I couldn't resist). . . no bed, no diapers, no changing table, no car seat. . . not a blanket or stroller. . . the list is seemingly endless. These things will come, I know, but then there's labor and delivery and breastfeeding. The horror stories of dozens ring loudly in my brain, threatening my rose colored (prayerful) fantasy. Questions spawned by their stories torment me. . . c-sections and babies that can't latch, practically starving to death. . . What if this is my reality? What if the experiences I've hoped and prayed for are never mine? What if I can't . . . if he can't . . . What if?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Allen and I have been completely fascinated by Jonah’s floundering in my belly lately, so we decided to purchase a Fetal Doppler to more closely monitor his movements and heart rate. We used it for the first time last night. . . My chest swelled with emotion as I heard him sloshing about and detected the rhythm of his heart, but the most captivating moment of all was listening to Jonah's heart race when his daddy began speaking to him. I had read that fetuses biologically react to familiar sounds and tones, even to light. That proved true through our Doppler. . . How amazing! How miraculous!!