And these pictures were taken on Friday (the beginning of Jonah's upswing) at Mimi and Popi's.
I am head-over-heels for this picture! Jonah totally looks like a teenager in Uncle E's hat! ;)
Less than 2 hours now until the personhood of our baby is defined! It feels too good to be true! I’ve been telling myself all day there’s a chance the baby’s position won’t allow for gender determination, as to keep my expectations low to prevent disappointment, but I don’t think it’s working. I fully expect these to be my baby’s final nameless hours and will likely be devastated if they’re not! ;)
There has been much talk about gender lately in our home and amongst our family and friends. Everyone asks about my intuition on the matter and of course like most moms I do have assumptions . . . assumptions rooted in revelation and deep stirrings surrounding this pregnancy that have led me to believe God is actively preparing me to nurture a daughter.
Yet, in the realm of desire, I am genuinely neutral. I have always felt we would share our home with another boy and at least one girl (though my ideal family would be 2 boys and 2 girls if I could choose and handle the pressure). That being said I can think of countless perks of having another boy. It would be a wonderful gift to Jonah- a friend to play ball with and camp with and chase girls with (they would be quite a team in this arena I’m sure). I’m entirely prepared in the realm of cloths and toys. And perhaps most importantly, there is something profoundly moving about being chosen by God to raise male children, priests of future homes, particularly in a society that seems to be lacking in quality men . . . I believe Willis boys are a rare breed and would be honored to be the vessel through which God multiples them into the world!
Then of course there’s the novelty and beauty of a baby girl. . . The grace and charm of a feminine spirit would undoubtedly be enthusiastically welcomed. Though I must admit there is a sea of insecurity within me surrounding the idea of nurturing a daughter. The mere thought simultaneous stirs excitement and hesitancy, I suddenly become highly critical of the woman I have become . . . all my areas of lack, those things not worthy of imitation . . . and there are many! However, imagining her with Allen and all that would subsequently be touched and healed in me trumps my insecurity. . . I am confident her essence would change us and our home in profoundly beautiful ways. . . Pink and purple, ribbons and bows, flowers and butterflies. . . Yes, it would be an extraordinary addition, wouldn’t it?!
I have wept more in the past 24 hours than I have in a very long time. Not simply tears but uncontrollable sobs birthed from the depths of me. I shared last night about baby Joel and his fight for life. The story of this tiny boy grips me in a powerful way. I have spent hours sifting through his blog, reading his mothers heart and the details of their circumstance. The magnitude of Joel’s suffering and their warrior spirits profoundly move me. I can’t stop crying out for mercy on behalf of this family!
I must admit that as I do I inwardly wrestle the intent of God. His ways are higher than ours, I know, and his plans often exceed the scope of our insight, yet I can't seem to stop the “whys” from billowing from my chest.
Still in the face of all my questions and all my crisis of understanding my spirit with strength and conviction sings, “Our God is MIGHTY to SAVE, he is MiGhTy to SAVE!” Over and over the words roll from the depths of me. I believe our God heals! I believe he has the authority to display his power and mercy in Joel’s body, and I ache in these hours to see him in all his glory arise in this story!