sanctifying pause. . .

I often find solace in written word. Articulating the movements of my soul brings order to the scrambled thoughts and emotions that plague me. However, in times like these words seem to frustratingly fall short. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to channel what’s inside, fully purging the chaos. . . I’m a bundle of paradoxes: joy and despair; hope and disillusionment; peace and frustration; courage and fear. . . Voices echo all around. Deception rises, fiercely challenging truth. Heavenly impartations are muffled amidst the clamoring of those who come in the name of love and concern. Carnal control and dominance rage against Divine release. I ache to abandon all to his sovereignty, to fully surrender amidst the strife of unfulfilled longing. I am submerged in a sanctifying pause, silently screaming. There is only one who fully sees. . . just one intimately acquainted with the wrestling within. It is he that purposes and prevails over every high and low. I cry out in desperation for the end . . . for our long awaited promise to emerge, yet beneath the cry a feeble whisper echoes, “Oh God, do not tear the veil until your revelatory word is established in me. . .”