Monday, November 24, 2008

childlike euphoria. . .

The essence of Jonah continues to unleash a flood of childlike euphoria in my soul. I have penned ramblings of this order in prior posts but feel compelled to expound as I am desperate to contain the sensitivity and vibrancy of this season, fearing it will pass. . . assured it will pass (as all seasons do).

I have squandered many months and years breathlessly climbing from one rung of expectation to the next on an illusionary ladder of success. Some steps were seemingly imposed by society, several were self-inflicted, and still others were riddled with traces of the Divine. The dagger of perfectionism drove me onward and upward and taunted me with whispers of gloom. Day after day, I fixed my eyes on one rung after another while simultaneously wrestling the insecurity that threatened to cripple my climb. This mad and furious striving appeared to me as light and goodness. . . as the adoption of all things “adult,” and though contentment was seldom found, I was assured that it was waiting to embrace me in the tomorrows lying just beyond temporal sacrifice. I was unaware that every moment of this mad dash to novel heights was suffocating my senses and reddening my world with shades of gray. . . until Jonah.

Amidst the fury of striving, I stumbled through a corridor of serenity, into the sparkle and substance of my dreams. . . Jonah. His life and innocence now spills into my veins, reawakening my senses, allowing me to once again perceive the magnificence of the world around me . . . even on misty and overcast mornings like this one.

Where once the rain seemed like an intrusive force against me, it has become (in these days) an invitation to slow my breath and pace. The water shed from clouds of gray lures me into its grace while saturating my skin in the luminosity and radiance of God. I inhale these drops of majesty with wonder in my eyes and watch as they dance on the vibrant shades of towering trees . . . red, yellow and orange. . . seemingly celebrating their beauty before winter’s slumber.

This keen sensitivity and awareness has not halted my climb. I continue to strive toward greater heights, but my motivation has been renewed. No longer does fulfillment and reward linger in tomorrow. It is here and now. . . in this moment (and in the next). May I continue to see and smell and taste the wonder of God in the present, absorbing traces of his divinity every step of the journey.

1 comment:

Ardor Awakening said...

Your words are beautifully descriptive, they breath life into my imagination!

I love how this little child in your womb is creating everything anew for both of us, from our mindset to our awareness of our surroundings. He's bringing a freshness to both of us with his delicate existence. We're reborn with his birth!