Into the light. . .

The Holy Spirit continues to rouse my slumbering deep. He has become unavoidable, inescapable. . . relentless in his determination to draw me into deeper realms of God. My frantic agenda has often muffled his wooing, but I sense now, in this season, a stillness falling like rain- capturing my attention. Though the demands of life are ever-increasing, he is meeting me with a rapturous peace and silencing the madness in my soul. Steadily, I am becoming sensitized to the passion of the Divine pouring into every facet of my being, engulfing secret chambers of carnal longing. . . saturating the harbored darkness within. I am a fear-bound wanderer, full of shame, squatting in the shadows of the radiance and glory of God. . . I’ve squandered the riches imparted in our exchange, oh but his ruthless mercy and tender affection reaches me and coerces me into the light again. . .

baby belly. . . 17 weeks

Saturday Night with the Millards

Allen and I hung out with Ryan and Jen and their beautiful babies Makayla, Marissa, and Mason tonight. . . It was long overdue! Mason will celebrate his first birthday the week of our baby’s expected arrival. It's amazing to hold him and interact with him, realizing that this time next year we’ll have a baby boy or girl at precisely his developmental level. . . It’s quite surreal! :)

Lifted from the Ashes. . .

Language seems like an insufficient mode of transit for the deep stirring in my soul. The surges of revelation within are cryptic in nature and barred by the limitations of my carnal mind, yet I am provoked by desperation to attempt to draw these divine impartations to the surface and sift through them. . .

The madness and fury of a society plagued by perceived lack and futile striving quashes the summoning of an interminable world of abundance. . the radiance of heaven is submerged in a domain of darkness, and we with pale and insipid faith settle into this world of scarcity, continually neglecting our Master Deity and his power and yearning to lift us from the ashes of a fraudulent existence and sanction us to tap into the riches, authority and promise of his kingdom.

Oh, but there is a great rumbling of the Divine quaking in the core of humanity, awakening slumbering victors. I sense a holy insurgence . . . a fierce casting off of an iniquitous culture and a zealous adoption of the ethos of heaven. Light is emerging. . .

May his kingdom come here on earth as it is in heaven. . .

Swell Season

After dinner at Blackstone and dessert at JJ’s (accompanied by the best dry, soy, caramel macchiato in Music City), my brother-n-laws, Ethan and Eric, and Allen and I walked to the Ryman to see Swell Season, one of our favorite groups, comprised of Irish musician Glen Hansard and Czech singer and pianist Markéta Irglová. Their raw and humble display of musical genius was captivating to say the least. . .

From the Mouths of Babes. . .

I’m wide eyed in the presence of children these days. I soak them in- their laughter and tears. . . their joy. Each extends a tiny glimpse of the future and stirs expectancy in my soul.

Today at church I was reminded of the power of childlikeness in the realm of the spirit as I observed the uninhibited praise of the young. . . Three girls in particular about 6 years of age caught my attention. They left their seats and moved close to the stage during worship. . . As the music filled the air, they danced and lifted their hands, singing with all their might. They were undoubtedly reflexing to the movement of the Divine all around. They were unaware of the judgment of man, social norms, or their images. They were entirely consumed with affection for their Savior. It was passion in its purest form. I sensed the pleasure of God raining down on them as I watched. . . I ran my hands over my belly, envisioning my tiny baby saturated in the presence of God within me. Then my mind flashed forward, carrying me to another time and place . . . the tiny stature of our child was suddenly at my side with hands lifted high, offering honest, passionate, and unrestrained expressions of love and thanksgiving to the Lord and it overwhelmed my heart. I sensed the beckoning of God in the spirit, calling me to come . . . closer and closer until my flesh is so consumed with the reality of Him that I, too, release every social constraint and inhibition and offer up my entire being as an offering of reverent adoration. Oh, Holy Spirit, teach us to cast off our adult dispositions . . . robe us in the humility of a child that we may behold the face of our Savior!

The Barkers and My 15 Week Belly

John and Angela stopped by tonight with baby Briley. It was so much fun having them in our home! They're pro-parents after just 15 weeks. We're learning a lot through their experience. It's so much fun watching their lives evolve, realizing ours will soon look much like theirs. I intended to take several pictures, but the battery in my camera died. I did capture a couple of sweet Allen-Briley moments. . . My heart swells every time I see him with a baby in his arms. . . It's one of my favorite things!



And I took the advice of a dear friend and decided to post another belly pic. My tummy has changed drastically in the past 24 hours. I'm not sure exactly what happened! My weight seemed to level off for a couple of weeks. . . I actually commented to my friend yesterday that I can't wait to see significant physical signs of growth. . . I guess the baby decided to fulfill my desire and make its presence known! :) After Allen took the picture, he laughed and asked if I was pushing out. . . I assured him that I wasn't then pushed out, and we took another. I won't post that one, it's scary- I look full term! :) Anyway, the change is both shocking and exciting. . . Cheers to a great night, amazing friends, and beautiful BaBiEs!

Our New House. . .

The news of our baby prompted us to explore other housing arrangements. Our 700 sqft downtown apartment didn't seem like appropriate accommodations anymore (particularly because of the eight flights of stairs leading to our front door). Finding and securing a house was more painstaking than I ever dreamt it would be, but we are settled now and overwhelmingly thankful to be here. As I walk through the rooms of our home, I so vividly envision our baby sharing this space with us that I can almost hear its cries and coos echoing off the walls. . . These are sacred days. We are soaking them in. . .

A Sanctifying Promise. . .

In recent weeks, I’ve internally wrestled the implications of motherhood. The responsibility that looms ahead has triggered a sense of restlessness within and prompted a tinge of fear, but most of all, it has illuminated the selfishness that settled in my soul long ago. I have become increasingly aware of and sickened by my obsession with securing comfortable conditions and my innate tendency to reflex to carnal impulse. I have unconsciously neglected the needs of humanity in the face of an urgent compulsion to attend to the internal, self-centered demands spawned by sin lurking within my deep.

Futuristic flashes of the essence of my child surge through my mind with an ever-increasing intensity, carrying with them a message of sacrifice and surrender. The life veiled within me holds a sanctifying promise. . . Soon and very soon, my fixation on self will be swallowed by a love that demands my full energy and attention. The tiny being that will soon enter our home will usher me into realms of Christ-likeness I could not reach alone. He or she will compel goodness and mercy to arise within and surface the beauty and power that flow only through relinquishing a self-serving agenda. . .

Walking in Memphis. . .

Allen, Amber (my mother-n-law), Molly (my sister-n-law), and I had the pleasure of attending Tad and Erica's wedding at Memphis Botanic Garden yesterday. . . It was absolutely gorgeous! Watching others solidify their covenant in the spirit reminds me of the beauty and power of the sacred bond that Allen and I share. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary on September 9th. Time continually unfolds and exposes riches buried in the depths of our togetherness. I am profoundly aware of the activity of the Divine. . . stirring within our souls, rearranging us. . . imparting glimpses of his promise. I'm confident the days and years ahead will be filled with an abundant manifestation of the realities of God . . . His purposes will prevail in our covenant!

The Haunting of Yesterday

Rain pounds the window pane outside my office, luring me into a contemplative, melancholy mood. Images of days past flood my deep, triggering an ache in my soul that I cannot describe . . I miss the hours that sifted through my fingers. . . the days that evaporated with the morning sun. Yesterday haunts me, taunts me. . . It beckons me back. I feel as if a part of me is dying. . . a part of us is passing, and I’m frantic with urgency to contain it. . . to bottle it up, so I never forget. This sense of loss sits heavy on my heart, halting the breath in my lungs. . . I feel selfish and scared as I strain to remember the promise that awaits. . .