In recent weeks, I’ve internally wrestled the implications of motherhood. The responsibility that looms ahead has triggered a sense of restlessness within and prompted a tinge of fear, but most of all, it has illuminated the selfishness that settled in my soul long ago. I have become increasingly aware of and sickened by my obsession with securing comfortable conditions and my innate tendency to reflex to carnal impulse. I have unconsciously neglected the needs of humanity in the face of an urgent compulsion to attend to the internal, self-centered demands spawned by sin lurking within my deep.
Futuristic flashes of the essence of my child surge through my mind with an ever-increasing intensity, carrying with them a message of sacrifice and surrender. The life veiled within me holds a sanctifying promise. . . Soon and very soon, my fixation on self will be swallowed by a love that demands my full energy and attention. The tiny being that will soon enter our home will usher me into realms of Christ-likeness I could not reach alone. He or she will compel goodness and mercy to arise within and surface the beauty and power that flow only through relinquishing a self-serving agenda. . .
4 weeks ago